WELL HELLO I HAVE MISSED YOU….

I DIDN’T MEAN TO LEAVE YOU ALL HANGING, I’VE BEEN BUSY!!! WHICH IS GREAT!! YAY!!

NO GUYS HERE AND NOTHING REALLY TO RANT ABOUT, IS THAT WEIRD? MY ONLY GOAL RIGHT NOW IS TO KEEP TELLING YOU MORE ADVENTURES AS THEY COME. BUT SO FAR NOTHING, I HAVE MOVED. I HAVE BEEN KEEPING BUSY.

I GUESS MY ONLY FRUSTRATION IS THE “NEW” DATING SCENE.. YOU DON’T MEET PEOPLE THE OLD FASHIONED WAY ANYMORE… YOU HAVE DATING SITES, FACEBOOK, TWITTER, INSTGRAM AND THE LIST GOES ON… GETTING BACK INTO THE WORLD OF DATING IS HARD WHEN MOST OF WHOM YOU ARE AROUND IS MARRIED.

I DO HAVE A CRUSH BUT HE DOESN’T LIKE WOMEN AT THE MOMENT DUE TO HIS BITTER DIVORCE. ūüė¶

I’LL KEEP LOOKING AND TAKE YOU WITH ME ON THE NEW JOURNEY!!!!

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Single Girl and that’s it…

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I’m writing to y’all from my phone kinda stressed about things. No this is not one if those sexy stories today. This is my thought on my life right now. I feel I will never find that one great guy, the perfect job( and at this point nobody will hire me) I feel like I take step forward and things look up and then when it rain it pours. I’m usually the most optimistic person in the world, sometimes too optimistic. My life is not where I want it to be and nobody ever tells ya that life can be this way at times. It’s like nobidy will admit anything. like it’s a fucking secert that nobodys life can be messed up. Well ladies and gents it can be. stop being like this and admit when life gets down it’s fucking ok to be down for a bit. Don’t judge people at all looking through your glass house.¬†

 

Oh Hello we meet again…

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So I talked to the guy from “The pic that Rocked My World”, and I get why he is doing what he is doing, basically cheating on his girlfriend. I think that he is old enough to know wether he wants to get married or not. He has never been married. No kids. I can see from his family history that he is scared of marriage. His dad has been married over 4 times and his mom the same. I kinda get why at 36 he is not ready for that. I get why i am suck into him. cause I’m kinda the same way. I want it but am afraid of it. The relationship we have is we do not keep things from each other, I knew about the girl, I just had never seen a pic of them together. I find that after ALL this time he hasn’t asked her to marry him. I am not innocent in all of this but we are adults, and this may seem weird, but as long as he can keep it real with me. I’ll keep it real with him.¬†

I really do not want this to be a oh wait till you get cheated on, I have. But I know when to say no. I do know when things are bad between two people that they would rather “be together” than break up. I have been there and eventually got out of that.

I see him as a friend and a lover, he really does not have to answer to me, he has to answer to her. 

Yes I have heard things about her but I will not be that girl who is going to go off and tell him not to marry her. That is his choice.

 

Let’s talk about bigger women who look down at people…..

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This might cause a stir but I really could care less. I have no problem with anyone who is big, everyone is bigger than me, I’m 5’0 and weigh nothing. It’s not that i don’t eat I love to eat. I’m part of crazy family who has a fast metabolism. I went shopping with a friend and all I was hearing was how fat she was and how I didn’t understand what is was like to feel like that. Yes true I don’t know how it feels to be bigger but I do know what is feel likes to be stared at from other women and getting that look of “she must not eat” or “she throws up” so yes my friend I know what it looks like to be judged because of my body. Sometimes I buy bigger shirts because I do want to hide the fact that I’m skinny, I know not healthy to do but it’s my thing so I don’t get those looks.

I’m not saying all bigger people do this. Some bigger people are very sweet and understand. Some do not, just because I’m little does not mean I can’t hear you. My ears work ya know!¬†

I’ve overheard some shit, like she must workout alot. Nope! I do not. She must watch her calories. Nope! I do not. She must think she is hottest thing in this store. Nope! I do not.

Ladies if you are bigger and think this way, do yourself a favor and try to go to the gym or do yoga. or just eat better. I mean you do not hear me in a loud tone saying ” damn she is fat she must eat 3 burgers at once”

I do not do that to people, I’m very nice to people. I may not look like I am but you are judging a book by it’s cover. Never do that, the thick ones maybe the best book in town and the thin one might be great too. Have you ever thought about that? We are made to feel beautiful by our mothers and fathers, but they do not tell us that others who do not like their bodies will project their insecurities on to you. Remember misery loves company.

 

The guy I tried to have sex with and didn’t know he was on coke….

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Look I find myself at times drawn to people just to mess with their minds. One dude I think I did, he was this kinda prick that bragged about he could make any girl cum right when he hit the spot. Little did he know that I broke him of  that challenge. 

It was a slow day so I decided at the time I needed to get out of my house, I got hotel room for free, points are nice, and needed to just relax. Little did I know the guy was on his way into town to “party”. He called and asked if he could stop in and see me, I had never done anything with the dude but I said why the hell not. He arrived with a guy friend in tow. The guy had just flew in from somewhere and needed to take shower, sure i said, since I had upgraded myself to a suite, the guy wasn’t going to hear a thing. Was I fucking wrong on that one! The prick guy started to take off my clothes, very nice and i started to take his off. As we took each other’s clothes off I noticed that 1. he was horrible at eating out 2. his dick wasn’t hard at all. I stopped and asked him why. He responded with “I did some coke and my dick can’t get hard” I had this look of what the fuck are doing here then on my face. He tried to jack off but that didn’t work. i looked at him like poor dude. As his friend came out of the shower he noticed that we were mid stop on the fun train and prick guy decided to ask the question that no one in their right mind would ever ask me, “will you suck my friends dick to make me hard”.. I said “no.” simple straight forward no. Was he out of his fucking mind???? Was this real??? His friend seemed disappointed but i didn’t care. things were headed south and quick. I went to the bathroom and prick guy started to follow he wanted me to band over the stool that was at the make up counter in the bathroom and maybe he could get me off. I let him try for about 3 pumps and his dick was not ready. I kindly asked if they were ready to leave to go “party”. His friend was ready and I ushered the prick guy to his clothes and they left. Oh thank god. I didn’t know what to think, then something fell over me, so i mass text a bunch of friends and ask “if a guy does coke would he be able to get it up” all responses were “yes”. Well there I was sitting thinking this guy didn’t know what he was talking about. How he could get anyone off. He called me at 3 a.m to ask if he could bring a group of girls over (to what show how they couldn’t get off too), I said no and hung up. He called I counted 14 times back. I didn’t ever answer him again. I mean I knew his true colors. He wasn’t the master at anything. to this day, I haven’t heard or even noticed him. He has of me and i keep ignoring him.¬†

I still feel sorry for anyone who does have sex with him. They most likely fake it and he wouldn’t even notice it.

Well update on some things.

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1. I’m still poor… it sucks

2. yes I’m looking for a damn job.¬†

3. I’m hoping things will get better and I know they will.

4. I set up a go fund me account http://www.gofundme.com/5azgec   is that a weird thing to do??? I mean it is asking for money but shit I see all these people with all kinds of shit. 

5. I’m totally gonna give y’all some steamy stuff, later!!!¬†

What is GREAT sex??

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I find that great sex isn’t defined by how many orgasms you have it’s who you are with. I had many GREAT sex experiences but they were all different in a lot of ways.

When you communicate with each other it’s a blast,asking questions that you might be afraid to ask is nice because there is no judgement between you and that other person.

Step outside that box, explore the possible things you can do to help you and that other person enjoy each other.

Never fake anything, cause it doesn’t help with anything.

If you don’t like your sex life, change it. only you can do that.¬†

Do miss out on foreplay it can be nice!!! 

that’s all for today… Sorry it’s not as steamy as I’d like to get. But I will write more later!

Hey can you help me pull the knife out of my heart and my back……

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This was a not so great weekend for me. My friend was I guess either on her period, hating her job or hates her life and takes it out on me and very personal at that. 

most of last week was crazy, had really no time to get what I needed to get done. On breaks I would look at Facebook, play a game of Candy Crush, or simply write a blog. Friday was like every other day only I was really busy. After my marathon of cleaning that HAD to be done. I started to get messages from my friend. She had asked me if I filled out an application at a store and no I hadn’t I had simply forgot, I wasn’t going to lie to her, yet she had the “right” in her mind to go off on a rant that made me so mad and tear up that I simply started to ignore the messages. She stated that “She wishes she was shocked by me not getting that app in” ¬†I told her that I was sorry” then she simply wrote “I’m just going to stop trying”. I was like ok this has turned weird. Here is the rest of that rant “I just hate watching you waste your life away” really bitch??? Are you fucking kidding me? I didn’t know that becoming a friend to you was me becoming your charity case. I didn’t sign up for that one. The next one was a doozy, “I know what you do with your life is none of my business but as your friend I feel so helpless” that broke the camels back right there. I’m not a meth head you fucking bitch. What she didn’t and still hasn’t realized while living in her glass house is that I have been helping my family. I will not go into details on here but I’m the only person who is bringing in an income. She has no right to tell me that i’m wasting my life away when I’m helping support my family.¬†

Here’s the thing she is part of my family and she has been nice but I don’t need a nagging person on my back telling what I should do with my life. I need a friend who doesn’t judge me. Which she is doing. I sit and listen to her go and on about her life, yet I don’t tell her maybe you shouldn’t drink that whole bottle of wine. I also didn’t tell her that stopping your anti-depressants probally wasn’t a good idea and not seeing your therapist wasn’t a great move. I don’t sit and around wonder about her life when I have my own to worry about. I also thought that a friendship you could tell each other what you think, which is ok if that is what she thought, NOT OVER A FACEBOOOK MESSAGE!!! Tell me to my face, oh that’s right you never come over to my house nor do you ever call me.¬†

 

I hate that I’m the one sided friend, that helps and listens but never asks for anything. Yet no one comes over to my house, I have to go over there or even calls me just to ask how am I doing. I go over to their house and call them. I crawled into bed after feeling attacked and cried like none other, even in your 30’s it still hurts that a friend would do this to you.¬†

 

I just don’t know if i can handle her friendship anymore.¬†

 

Reasons..

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This will be short and plain… I do not write everyday. I had that goal when I started this blog but I found that writing everyday is boring to me. The stories that I have need to build up as I remember them. Writing every so often is nicer. Makes things fresh, and thank you to followers and people who have liked the blogs.¬†